Unreal News - Higgs Boson inadvertently causes panic at 10 Janpath

This is a story you would tell with extreme care and caution. But it so starkly characterizes the current state of distrust in the leadership that it is a folly to keep it under wraps, as the entire establishment has tried to do for the last few days. It has also taken us that long to tap Shekhar Gupta’s sources to establish this story.

Earlier in July, intelligence sources stumbled on intelligence emanating from Switzerland that something big was discovered and was about to be announced. Intelligence agencies were curiously following the development because the chatter intercepted repeatedly turned up a words bose and boson which sounded highly Indian. The Indian government was very concerned with the amount of time intelligence agencies were taking to get to the bottom of the matter. Since it sounded like it concerned India, the government handed over the matter to the CBI with orders to report back in 24 hours. The CBI promptly investigated and inferred that a bose had been discovered. Since this was such an important assignment, they sent the report immediately to 10 Janpath skipping the PMO.

The high command saw the report and panicked. They promptly inferred that bose referred to Subhash Chandra Bose. Subhash Chandra Bose’s death has long been the subject of dispute and an entire nation has been hoping for decades that their beloved hero is indeed alive and will be discovered one day. According to Shekhar Gupta’s sources, all these years, the Nehru family has been living in the hope that Subhash Chandra Bose never be discovered. They know that in the face of the sublime achievements of Subhash Chandra Bose, their charisma will sublime like naphthalene sublimes when kept in open. If he was indeed found, he would immediately command high respect among the countrymen leaving the high command high and dry.  

A meeting of the working committee along with select alliance partners was immediately called and within 15 minutes everyone except Pranab Mukherjee was present. Kapil Sibal said that Bose could be in Switzerland to possibly look at Swiss Bank Accounts. A shudder passed through the meeting. Further update followed from CBI that a bose was also found in India. The CBI was immediately asked to stop pursuing Mayawati, Jagan, Ramdev Baba and others and asked to investigate on finding Netaji. CBI officers in Agra investigating Mayawati were asked to stop their work and focus on Netaji. At the same time Mulayam Singh Yadav, who likes to call himself Netaji   was visiting an army cantonment in Agra. CBI reported that Netaji was seen in Agra Cantonment. Digvijay Singh commented that maybe he is taking charge of the Indian army. CBI later reported an unexpected (and non-notified) movement by a key military unit based in Mathura in the direction of the Delhi. Reports came in of yet another military movement “towards” Delhi. This unit was identified as a large element of the airborne 50 Para Brigade based at Agra. Politicians who had heard of “Chalo Delhi” in history textbooks panicked. The High Command immediately summoned Pratibha Patil, the supreme commander of the armed forces to the meeting for consultations.  Pranab Mukherjee was still missing. High command was furious at Ahmed Patel for this lapse. “Where is Pranab?, he is our ace troubleshooter. What will I do without him?  You don’t do your work properly. I will have to fire you”. Ahmed Patel replied sheepishly, “Pranabda is saying he is the incoming president of the Republic and it does not reflect well on the head of state to attend a meeting of a political party. He has to maintain the dignity of his office”.  A furious Sonia is supposed to have shouted, “Ask him to come here right now. He is still not the president. Otherwise I will nominate Pratibha Patil who is here, for a second term. Hearing this Pratibha Patil looked happy and started browsing through her travel brochures”. Pranab Mukherjee entered soon enough and heard everyone out. Then he shouted at them, “Rather than panicking, switch on the TV. This is not about Subhash Chandra Bose but Higgs Boson. They have just announced this discovery. Was just watching this breaking news back home” The TV was immediately switched on and calm reentered the room. A call to the army received the response that the movements were routine exercise.

After watching the news coverage, Rahul Gandhi asked, “Why did they have to name this particle after Subhash Chandra Bose? Hasen’t our family done more for the country? A nehruon or gandhion sounds so much better than a boson” An annoyed and irritated Pranab Mukherjee told him that this reference is not to Subhash Chandra Bose but to Satyendra Nath Bose, a scientist. Laloo Yadav, one of the few non committee persons at the meeting, took a dig at Rahul, “That’s why I keep telling you Rahul Baba, do not speak in between when elders are speaking”.

The government, bureaucracy and army have denied the reports and called it mischievous and misleading. But we stand by our story. We are thankful to Shekhar Gupta’s sources for helping us piece together this story.

We are happy that this incident has caused the people to remember Subhash Chandra Bose, one of the greatest leaders of our country. We dedicate this article with gratitude, to the loving and respectful memory of Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose.

Poetry on Cricket

Play cricket
Take wicket

Bowl a good leg cutter
So that you pass through batting like knife through butter.

Get Batsmen bowled
Get trophies of gold

Get the bat's outside edge
Get coverage on the from page


Keep batsmen under pressure.
Do not give them liberty or leisure.

Maintain a good line.
And your bowling will be fine.

Maintain a good length.
Go from strength to strength.

While battin
Keep the fielders waiting.

Send the fielders on a hunt for leather.
Add to your cap many a feather.

You should be able to bat well on grass.
To prove your class.

To counter spin, play the sweep
Aggregate runs in a heap

Do good placing
Keep the fielders racing

For your victory strive
Hit a cover drive

Push the ball to fineleg
Increase the speed of your leg

Be good at facing pace
If you want to win the race.

But you also have to be good at facing spin.
If you want to win

Your bat with care must you shove
Because the keeper is waiting with his glove

Your bats are like magic wands
To bring ovation in the stands .

And joy in your lands.

You are your country's cream.
On your shoulders rest a thousand dream

Take runs
Threes, Twos and ones.

Hit four
Make the stadium roar

Hit six
Get your victory fix.

Score a century
But not in a hurry
Else your teammates will have to worry
As they have a score to carry


Don't let the ball out of your hands.
That will disappoint the fans in your lands.

Field at mid off or mid on
But see that the pressure on the batsmen is on.

Field at cover
Or at point
But cover your ground well if you want to make a point.

Take a diving catch,
to win a match

Collateral damage –A short story

Everyone was looking at the television screens in a state of shock and disbelief. All schools and colleges were given the day off. Policemen and military forces were patrolling the streets in major cities. The state was in a state of mourning. The Chief Minister and the Deputy Chief Minister of Maharashtra had just been assassinated in the morning in a terrorist attack. A member of Parliament accompanying them had also been killed. The security forces were in a state of high alert. According to security agencies, the 3 leaders were returning to Mumbai after inaugurating a project in rural Maharashtra. When the motorcade was crossing a bridge, 2 powerful bombs exploded in a span of few seconds killed the 3 VIPS.

Television channels were working overtime and having a field day. Every channel ran exclusive coverage of the terrorist attack. Barkha Das, a TV reporter was looking very happy. She was telling her friend. “My dumb boss had given me pink slip yesterday. But today he called me on the job and gave me 10 percent salary increment also”. Every channel had a panel of experts; each channel panel consisting of experts talking nonstop. Some experts were surprised that the attack happened in a non naxalite area. And according to security and intelligence agencies, neither the CM nor his deputy was on the target list of any banned outfit. And hence the attacks were more shocking.

In New Delhi, the home minister of the country was having a heated argument with his own home minister; his wife.

“All because of you” he was shouting at her.

Apparently, the media was lampooning him for changing shirts and trousers thrice in a span of 2 hours during the press conferences after the terrorist attack.

She was in tears. “I find it humiliating when my kitty party friends say you have no dress sense. You were wearing a very poor dress combination in the first press conference. That’s why I called you and asked you to change. But you have no taste. You again wore something silly. That’s why I had to rush down to get you in a decent dress. When the whole country is watching, how can you afford to dress so shabbily?”

“You don’t understand”, he was telling her. Now the media is asking for my resignation on these grounds. Madam high command may order me to resign anytime. If it was just common people dying, I could have understood your pestering. But this time, high level ministers have been killed. People like us”

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A full 2 days had passed since the assassinations. But the security agencies still had no clue as to the perpetrators behind the attacks. Television channels camped outside the houses of the killed politicians and gave a live telecast. Party leaders and party workers called on the family members to console them. As is the convention in a democracy, all major leaders across party lines, who were criticizing the 3 politicians till a few days back were now all praise for them.

The VIPs were not the only casualties. There was further collateral damage as well.

 About 20 people travelling with the VIPs, which included security personnel, personal assistants and government contractors were also killed. The news channels met the family of these killed commoners as well. Sushil Patil, a peon with the state government and his family were in a state of grief. One of his sons was driving the CM’s car and was killed in the attack. Sanjay Jaykar, a construction and building contractor has lost his brother Babanrao Jaykar in the attack.

Babanrao and Sanjay had a family construction and building business and they had worked on quite a few government contracts. Babanrao was travelling along with the Deputy CM as they needed to discuss a new project proposal. Babanrao was killed along with the Deputy CM. Ironically, the bridge which the terrorists blew up was constructed by Sanjay and Babanrao’s construction company. The personal secretaries of the CM and deputy CM were killed. Elsewhere families of policemen killed in the attack were yet to come to terms with the tragedy. Around 40 onlookers who had thronged on both the sides of the roads to watch the ministers in their glory were injured. There was quite a severe collateral damage.

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The security and investigation agencies were under a lot of pressure from the government.  By the end of the week, they had collected a good deal of evidence. But each known terrorist enterprise they tried to match the evidence to, they came up empty handed. The design and planning signature of the attack did not match any known terrorist enterprise or its franchisee. The police had formed a profile of the terrorist as a person or persons who had good skill and experience in construction and engineering and knew exactly where to plant bombs for optimal impact.

Infighting had already started in the party for getting tickets for the two State Assembly and one parliamentary by elections. The high command had appointed one of their obedient men as the CM. The CM’s son wanted the CM’s post else he threatened to quit the party.

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A week later, the policemen announced that they had arrested the mastermind behind the attack and the plot would be unearthed shortly.

A bunch of ministers, intelligence officers, military officers and police officers were waiting outside a cell in jail in Mumbai. A policeman came out from the cell and saluted them. “Sir, there is no need for third degree, He is willing to talk.” All of them walked into the cell and crowded around the prisoner. Sanjay Jaykar looked up at the crowd.

Inspector Patil said “So Mr. Sanjay Jaykar. You thought you were very smart and we could never catch you. Start talking”

Sanjay Jaykar said, “Our father had started this construction business from nothing. I am proud of my father”

 “Come to the point”, thundered Inspector Patil.

“Yes, that is the point”, continued Sanjay Jaykar. “My father had taken great pains to build this business. After he died, my brother and I took over the business. However, my brother used to dominate me and double cross me and keep most of the money for himself. He claimed that the business ran because of his skills in bribing politician and bureaucrats and the business would be nothing without him. But it was not true. Even I was good at the job.” He looked up at one of the ministers. “Raosahebji, did I not bribe you Rs. 50 Lakh for that sewage project?”

“I have some important work, need to leave” said Raosaheb Deskhukh and excused himself.

“So I was very angry with my brother. I wanted him out of the way and the entire wealth for myself”, Sanjay continued. “Since the Deputy CM was coming to inaugurate the project and since I knew my brother would be travelling back with him to do strike a deal, I struck upon a plan. I knew the quality of materials we had used in the bridge and I knew the bridge would not withstand even take a moderate explosive impact. So I planted explosives a few days earlier and then detonated it through the mobile phone”.

Inspector Patil asked. “Where did you get the explosives?”

“We in the construction business have a lot of contacts” replied Sanjay.

Inspector Patil replied “Very clever, but not clever enough. Our investigations revealed some eyewitnesses who found some of your behavior for the past few days very suspicions. And even your employees and neighbours knew that your relations with your brother were strained.”

“I wanted to make it look like an audacious terrorist attack so that I was not suspected” said Sanjay.

Inspector Patil said, “So how are you going to explain the killing of the CM, Deputy CM and an Member of Parliament to the country?”

“Collateral Damage” replied Sanjay Jaykar.

Why subsidies on Petroleum Products should be removed

We see folks all around us blaming the government for increasing the fuel prices. However, seen from a long term perspective, the government policy is quite reasonable. The government should remove all subsidies on fuel. Here are the reasons in support of this argument.

When the government subsidizes the prices of petroleum products, it creates a multitude of problems.

Suppose, for example the government imports a particular amount of fuel at say Rs. 100 and sells to consumers at say Rs. 95, the government is losing money in subsidies. This money can otherwise be used for more constructive purposes. Again suppose the price rises from Rs. 100 to Rs. 110, the government has to bear this extra burden as well. Private sector businesses such as Reliance and Essar cannot match these subsidized prices and as the magnitude of subsidy provided by government fuel companies increases, the private sector companies steadily lose market share and at a point just close the petrol pumps and wait for crude oil to fall back to reasonable levels. During this time all motorists lap up subsidized fuel from the government companies.

When the government is absorbing the fuel price shock, the motorcyclists and motorists do not have an incentive to reduce fuel wastage. Neither do automobile companies have incentive to develop more fuel efficient vehicles.

Normally, prices are influenced by demand and supply. If the Arab cartel arbitrarily raises prices and the demand drops because of affordability, the demand supply mismatch will again bring down the prices. But the subsidies do not allow the price shocks to reach the end consumer keeping the demand strong. So one of the causes of high fuel prices is the government subsidies.

The rising price of crude oil in turn attracts the hedge funds to buy and hoard crude oil as an investment further pushing up the prices.

More the money the Arab cartel makes money from crude oil, more money is available as venture capital for Islamic terrorism.

Given the subsidies, people have less incentive to use environmentally friendly means of transportation like bicycles and battery operated vehicles. Subsidized use of petroleum derived fuels helps in promoting environmental pollution.

The various components of crude oil are separated and refined through fractional distillation.

The cost of production of kerosene and diesel is almost the same with kerosene marginally cheaper. In free markets, where kerosene and diesel cost much the same, there is little incentive to substitute kerosene for diesel. But the government heavily subsidies kerosene which is sold in government ration shops for the benefit of the poorer sections of society at about one third of the open market price. This ensures that the profit margin for diverting kerosene to adulterating  diesel is around 200 percent. This also ensures that just a small quantity of the kerosene in ration shops goes to the poor people and the rest ends up in the open market or in adulterating other fuels.

Given such attractive operating profit margins and huge volumes, honest and competent officers like Yashwant Sonawane  and Manjunath  are murdered for interfering with India's oil adulteration mafia.

The adulteration mafia has the incentive and resources required to corrupt as many state functionaries as they deem necessary, and to eliminate those who refuse to take a cut.  

Clean energy initiatives like wind, solar and tidal have multiple benefits. They have the potential to reduce pollution. They will reduce our addiction to Arab oil and save a lot of foreign exchange. We will  have more energy security because we will be less dependent on the whims of the Arabs. However the clean energy initiatives are currently not economically very viable and this problem is further aggravated by subsidized oil.

People complain of taxes on oil but if other imported goods are taxes then why not crude oil?

Reference links and bibliography:

http://www.business-standard.com/india/news/-killing-stenchfuel/423327/

http://business.rediff.com/report/2009/nov/24/reliance-reopens-900-oil-stations-selling-at-psu-rates.htm

http://www.livemint.com/2007/05/22003613/PDS-kerosene-smart-card-projec.html

http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/08_24/b4088036744478.htm

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-01-27/india/28373579_1_kerosene-subsidy-policy-adulteration

http://www.financialexpress.com/news/iea-asks-india-to-remove-fuel-subsidies/360143/

A good software application should resemble the properties of a cat

If at all, a software application should be designed to resemble the characteristics of any animal, it should be designed to resemble the character tics of a cat.

Learning to handle a cat requires a very low learning curve as against the learning curve or experience required to herd, bathe and milk buffaloes. Handling a cat does not require any training unlike say handling a horse. Taking care of a cat does not need much expertise; rather the cat takes care of itself.

You do not need to make special provision for food for a cat unlike for a dog; it eats whatever you offer it and hunts for the rest.

A cat has a small footprint and is not resource intensive. It easily fits into your house and environment. You do not have to build a shed, kennel, cage or a stable for it.

If folks in a village home are going to be away for a while, they would need someone from the neighborhood to take care of other animals. But, they do not have to make any contingency planning for their cat.

 A cat does not get injured when it jumps from high places. Even when thrown upside down, it lands nimbly and gracefully on its feet. Similarly, a software application must be able to handle exceptional conditions with grace.

A cat does not appear imposing or intimidating; rather it looks quite friendly and makes one comfortable. Folks feel like petting it. Similarly, a good piece of software must not intimidate users but make them feel comfortable.